when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize