He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
