TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
