who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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