Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
