Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
