K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I will die if light touches me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
