Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
