Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
