We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
