I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
