After last night, I could never be a politician.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
