There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
