He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize