forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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