Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
