you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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