i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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