Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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