ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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