i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
