i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
