she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ketchup is God's man juice
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
