I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
