it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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