please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
