i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
