I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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