Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
