i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
handjob tips. give me some.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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