There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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