if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
