A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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