So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
