He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
