So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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