well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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