so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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