At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize