I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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