I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
