i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
