ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
