we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
