Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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