she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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