Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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