He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
