but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
