He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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