that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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