i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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