The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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