Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
