I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
