We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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