God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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