someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
