I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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