: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
