Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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