hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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