Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
