I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
