Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
