Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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