I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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