It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
be right there i have to get my cape
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
