Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
