I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drake has all the answers
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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