i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
