You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
