Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize