next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish they made helmets for livers.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
