I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
