They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How external is "for external use only"?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
