at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
