He disabled his match.com account in front of me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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