I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
