What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
