i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
