Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
