ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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