mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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