This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Rumble strips road head = magical
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize