BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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