I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
