I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
