know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
