I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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