Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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