Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if only i could text you this smell
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
