let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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