is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This toilet bowl is my home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
