four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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